The WRITE Way to Recovery

by Ann Winter

"In detachment lies wisdom of uncertainty...
in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom
from our past, from the known,
which is the prison of past conditioning.
And in our willingness to step into the
unknown, the field of all possibilities,
we surrender ourselves to the creative mind
that orchestrates the dance of the universe."
- quote from Deepak Chopra

Table of Contents

Negativity
Pleading Heart
Deodar
Fire in the Heart
Hurtful Words, Healing Wisdom
A Father's Prayer
Memory Garden
Silence
To Live is to Forgive

NEGATIVITY

Like the black of night
It is the absence of light
Of nourishment.

Seeking to disease body and soul
With fantasies, thoughts, and images.

Negativity is the death of life
Taking hope, courage, and love
Leading them into an abyss of anger and hate.

Its only path is despair.
Travel too long and become one
With the black of night.

PLEADING HEART

Mom, I see you standing there, so stern, so still
A little distance away my child-self stands pleading,
"Mommy, please say you love me."

Beside my child-self stands my adult-self begging,
"Mom, just once, please tell me you love me."

PLEASE!

The words never come, there is only silence
I will wait and not give up hope.

Was I unwanted, therefore unloved?
Only you can tell me, only you.

Sometimes I weep as I wait for a response
I grow so weary straining to hear
Just a whisper.
Watching, waiting, afraid to look away
Afraid I’ll miss the slightest expression of love.

A tiny smile, a twinkle in your eye, an outstretched hand
Any of these would ease my pain

I long for your voice close to my ear.
Tender words of comfort to heal my heart.

Alas, this is not to be.
I pray to understand and forgive your unending silence.

DEODAR

Oh, Deodar, standing there
How long has it been?
Will the end be coming soon?

Your boughs so long bent in despair
No longer looking skyward
Looking soulfully earthward, praying for the end.

Raindrops dripping softly from your boughs in winter
Tears of sadness quenching the ground below.

Spring, bringing new growth only to be choked
By smog, grit, and pollution.
No gentle breezes bringing song birds on the wind
To raise your branches in joy.

Only the bane of traffic
Sirens, screeching tires, trains, aircraft
All adding to the poison held within your greenery
Stunting growth, denying life.

The heat and oppression of summer
Browning your needles, to fall
Forming a carpet of dark, dusty, crunchy death.

Oh Deodar, the sunrises and sunsets you have seen
The many seasons come and go
Natures’ birth and death around you.

May you soon be at peace
Resting safe in the refuge of the earth.

FIRE IN THE HEART

The anger in my heart is a poisonous venom
Permeating every cell.

It threatens to melt, blacken, and decay my very being
A cinder of hate held deep within.

Anger, held a lifetime, yearning to be unleashed
But at what price? The fear is great.

To let down my guard, to shed my armor
To open my boundaries is to bare the hole in my soul.

My invisible thorns spring forth
Armoring me against those who venture
Near the sensitivity of my heart.

Oh to fulfill the deepest desire
The cool waters of peace and love
Flowing gently over my body
Washing away the heat, soothing the rage.

Peace, come to me, stay awhile.
Let me know your comforting wings of love.

HURTFUL WORDS, HEALING WISDOM

Verbal poison invades my serenity
Raising fear and anxiety
Sending me into a state of paralysis.

This violation of peace thrusts me back
To a time of submission and silence.

This thrust imprisons mind and body
Disapproving, authoritative words of others
Evoke a sudden terror within.

Terror, understood only by those whose early life
Was shadowed by the threat of shame and guilt.

I am unable to express the intimidation
The humiliation felt when insensitive criticism
Or boastful orders are hurled my way.

I consciously remind myself, I am an adult
Responsible for my own beliefs, actions, and feelings.
I don’t have to take on those of others.

I am precious, a gift of the Spirit
Worthy of love and respect
My life has validation.

No longer do others’ actions and words
Have to destroy my peace.
I can place boundaries around toxins
Whether persons or situations.

I can leave others
To face the consequences of their own actions.

I am free
To choose health over sickness
Happiness over despair.

And, best of all

I am free to choose love, not fear
In my life.

A FATHER’S PRAYER

Tears fall softly on auburn curls
Encircling a tiny head.

Sweet moisture nourishing a tiny face.
Rose pink lips part in expectation
Eyes lift, twinkling with trust.

Lord, help me love and protect
This priceless gift You have entrusted to me.
Guide me along my path in life
So that I might show her the way.

Help me to instill the love of giving
The courage to hope in the face of doubt
And always to trust in Your answers.

MEMORY GARDEN

Step into the garden, step into the past
Let your mind wander, let the memories last.

Open your ears, let the voices drift through
Fill all your senses with old days anew.

The family and friends we so long ago met
Come close to our hearts, let us never forget.

Each one has a place in our lives through the years
Give thanks for the joy, the peace, and the tears.

Each person a bright shining star to behold
Smile, reminisce, like a story retold.

The parents, the brothers, and sisters we love
Have traveled life’s paths with help from above.

Sharing our secrets, our fears, and our dreams
Recalling these treasures like yesterday, it seems.

Going on picnics, to dinner, to the shore
Stoking the fire, planting gardens, and more.

Hand in hand with dear childhood friends
Keeping in touch through the years, to the end.

Each flower has color and life, like ourselves
Some stand out, are counted, some stay on the shelves.

As time marches forward, petals fade and fall
So do our loved ones, dear friends one and all.

But for now take the time to remember the past
For people, like gardens, by nature can’t last.

SILENCE

Find bliss
In the full emptiness of silence.

Be mindful
Of spaces between moments in life.

Listen to the thoughts
Between the words.

Awareness of quiet
Is calming for the body
Salve for the soul.

Hear tranquil tones
Between the notes.

Be still, take pleasure.

Peace is silence
Silence is peace.

TO LIVE IS TO FORGIVE

Oh Lord, bring peace to the bygone days
To see my child clearly, not through a haze.

To recall the days and years with gladness
Not dwell on that time with gloom and sadness.

To relearn each word like a new fresh scent
Not live in fear of what each statement meant.

To speak my peace and to take a stand
Not being vigilant of an open hand.

To listen to the voices of family so near
Not cover my ears to the words I so fear.

Dear Mother and Father, please take my hand
Tell me at last that you understand.

Smile at me, touch me, tell me you love me
Accept and believe me, don’t doubt and judge me.

Don’t tell me I shouldn’t, wouldn’t, or can’t
Nurture the seeds of freedom I plant.

Although you’ve gone to a calm, peaceful place
You’ve left me a lifetime of pain to erase.

The daughter you knew is now slowly leaving
Trying to release the worry and grieving.

To recapture youth through a new, happy child
To adulthood I’ll travel, hoping paths will be mild.

Dear Mother and Father, you did what you could
You shared your upbringing, the bad and the good.

I now give myself the permission I deserve
To know and to love me, with no hidden reserve.

The hard work ahead is to build a new life
To give it my best as mother, sister, and wife.

I’m no longer angry for what you didn’t know
And so thankful to be learning to live and let go.