to buy the complete 82 lesson series as a book or ebook.
The book has 82 lessons
1. Loving Without Leaning
This is lesson 1 in the series
"Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning"
looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view. Each of the
48 lessons includes a prayer or meditation.
To see the complete list of codependency topics read the table of contents above.
To find locations of Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings click here. Meetings are based on the spiritually oriented 12-step program from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Loving Without Leaning
The leaning of codependency is depending on something apart from us to provide a sense of wellbeing.
When we rely on an outside source for happiness, we create tension and stress in our mind and body; we can never be sure we are going to get what we need to make us feel complete.
To return to our state of feeling harmonious in our mind and body means we must provide our own happiness, internally and externally; not be dependent on another person or source to make us happy.
Here is an excerpt from “The Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Neibuhr (1926), recited at the CoDA meetings
"God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
2. Natural Ways to Reduce Stress
This is lesson 2 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
When we strive to get what we don’t have, but think will give us happiness, we can get stress symptoms such as headaches, raised blood pressure, muscle aches from holding tension, and more.
Hints to reduce stress; regain harmony
- Breathe evenly when feeling mental stress; counts 1, 2, breathe in; counts 3, 4 breathe out; counts 1, 2, breathe in, and continue the pattern.
- Go for a walk, run, swim or other aerobic exercise.
- Adopt a positive attitude; adopt a caring attitude.
- Immerse yourself in some creative or productive work to distract your mind.
Isn’t happiness a product of living in harmony and balance with people and environment, rather than when we are struggling to get something or someone we don’t have?
Concentrate on enjoying or making the most of the circumstances you are in at the moment!
Lord, may we remember
Joy is maintained, or joy is regained
Through living in harmony
With the people and environment
Of our world.
3. How to Make Positive Changes
This is lesson 3 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Positive changes result when we become aware of, and accept better ways.
We discover a way is better when we experience more peacefulness and relaxation in our mind and body when even thinking about this new approach, rather than continuing an old pattern that depends on the action or approval of others.
As we all want happiness, we should welcome and incorporate expanded insights, increasing our capacity for happiness in the process.
By acting for the best of all concerned we create win-win situations - positive changes for everyone.
Life is a challenge and as such contains many formats for choices and actions. It is coming to realize we can take control of our lives that helps us make the positive decisions that lead us in the direction of helpful change.
Keep plugging away in the positive direction and your life will improve all around.
Lord, grant me insight, expanded awareness
That I may make positive change.
My consciousness growing
More happiness knowing.
4. Blame Delays Constructive Action
This is lesson 4 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view. Each of the 48 lessons includes a prayer or meditation.
Spending time and energy blaming others or circumstances delays constructive action. Circumstances are as they are. Having already happened, they are beyond our control.
By our free will we choose how to react to others and circumstances. Acting for the good of all brings the most positive results.
The intent to be positive and to act positively in negative circumstances transforms the event.
Positive acts in response to negativity change the negative to positive self-growth in us.
Our body remains relaxed and our mind stays free of tension and anxiety when we choose to act for the common good.
Remember, placing blame just sticks it outside ourselves in a way we can't touch or change. To reclaim inner peace and happiness, push the blame away and look for the doorway to happiness through marching forward in peace and forgiveness.
Constructive Action Prayer
Lord, may I remember
And constructive action
Instead of blame
Lift me from negativity
Into creative, peaceful, easeful living.
5. Choosing a Path
This is lesson 5 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
We are daily traversing a pathway - at some point becoming curious about our ultimate destination.
When we become thoughtful about the beginning and destiny of our lives, what comes to mind is that we must have unseen deeper roots.
This makes sense, as in nature plants and trees have unseen roots sunk in earth for support and nourishment.
Even inanimate objects such as icebergs and mountains have underlying stable bases supporting what is visible to our eyes.
We can follow our own star - the path that is right for us, by being true to our needs and feelings, and at the same time discovering that we have an individual richness worth exploring to create a productive life.
Make the most of the time and energy you have to do caring and productive acts - it breeds the happiness you seek!
Father, may I see the pathway
Set out from eternity
That is uniquely mine on earth.
May Your guiding light of wisdom
Enlighten my way to fulfillment.
6. What Is Unconditional Love?
This is lesson 6 in the series
"Conquering Codependency - Loving Without
Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of
The full flowering of love can be called unconditional love - the kind of love we all want. So, we may try to please others even if it means sacrificing our own ethics, morals, ideals.
Actually, it is when we feel fulfilled following are own path, that we are able to give unconditional love - which is wishing the best for others with no thought of tit for tat.
I think unconditional love - giving without expectation of return - is what is meant in the St. Francis Prayer “It is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.” And from the Our Father Prayer, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Giving unconditional love, caring enough to interact harmoniously is a way to preserve or recover our sense of completeness; happiness.
Unconditional Love Prayer
Dear Lord, help me remember
That in caring and giving
Without expectation of getting
I preserve my inner sense of
Peace and happiness.
7. Making Life-Affirming Choices
This is lesson 7 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
The more often we consciously make life-affirming choices in attitudes, thoughts, and actions, the more deeply we enjoy all we can be as an individual.
And as an added benefit, when we are fully our true selves, our positive example rubs off on others; we become a good example to those around us regardless of the generation gap. People learn from what they see in others so it is worth it to especially be a good example to the youngsters coming along in your life.
Here is a journaling meditation to find out about your likes and strengths.
- List 3 activities you enjoy doing by yourself.
- List 3 places you would like to visit by yourself.
- List 3 of your firmest guidelines for living.
- List 3 of your character strengths.
Now review your list and note which choices affirm your life in a positive way. Have courage. Do not give up on your ideals. They are what carry you along on your path to perfect peace and happiness.
Keep up your journaling to see how you progress in living up to yourself!
8. Developing Clarity
This is lesson 8 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Developing clarity is a holistic event, involving all aspects of our being - body, mind and spirit.
The more conscious we become of the depth of a situation, the more chance we have to jump from reactionary patterns from our past, that may be negative, to positive thoughts and actions for our future.
Some ideas to think about and perhaps adopt for developing clarity
- Practice esoteric qualities, such as kindness, charity, caring.
- Adopt positive attitudes.
- Spend time in meditation and reflection.
- Do useful work or community service.
- Ingest a wholesome diet, suited to your constitution.
- Exercise and get enough sleep.
This time in facing a past reactionary situation, make your own clear decision by thinking over each option, taking an overview, then choosing to act on that which is for the common good.
Open my vision
That I may clearly see
The most positive way
For me to be -
Steeped in clarity
The broad view to see.
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to buy the complete 82 lesson series as a book or ebook.
page created June 23, 2009; updated April 11, 2016