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Conquering Codependency
Loving Without Leaning
from a spiritual point of view

by Susan Helene Kramer

Each lesson contains a prayer or meditation
or both.

Click here

to buy the complete 82 lesson series as a book or ebook.

Description: Port of Harlingen, The Netherlands by Stan Schaap

Third set

First set:
Part I - Discovering Wholeness

1.  Loving Without Leaning
2.  Natural Ways to Reduce Stress
3.  How to Make Positive Changes
4.  Blame Delays Constructive Action
5.  Choosing a Path
6.  What Is Unconditional Love?
7.  Making Life-Affirming Choices
8.  Developing Clarity
Second set:
9.  Feeling Empathy
10. Finding Serenity
11. Teen Issues
12. Prioritizing Needs and Desires
13. Ultimate Happiness
14. Gaining Insight
15. Self-Knowledge
16. Getting Centered
Third set:
Part II - Tools for Daily Living
17. Analyze, Accept, Incorporate
18. Expressing Emotions Appropriately
19. Creative Energy
20. Cause and Effect
21. Difficult Relationships
22. Improving Relationships
Fourth set:
23. Gaining Self-Esteem
24. Materialism and Happiness
25. Selfish or Self-Giving?
26. Releasing Control and Accepting Results
27. Standing Back Emotionally
28. Problems Have Solutions
29. Showing Tolerance

Fifth set:
Part III - When Substance Use Is an Issue
30. Substance Use Issues
31. Will Power
32. Implementing Change
33. Being Substance-Free
Part IV - Growing Beyond Codependency
34. Care-Taking
35. How Giving Is Receiving
36. Our Interdependent World
37. Let Your Light Shine

38. Compassion
Sixth set:
39. Freedom from Compulsion
40. Congruency in Words and Actions
41. Congruency in Relationships
42. Developing a Clear Conscience
43. Making Course Corrections
44. Time Management
45. Attachments Can Help or Hinder
46. Releasing the Past and Living Again
47. Overcoming Neediness
48. Personal Freedom at Last


17. Analyze, Accept, Incorporate

This is lesson 17 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.

All our actions are our own choosing. Allowing someone else to guide us is our own choosing, too. We each author our destiny.

We interrelate, we give and take. There are always at least two ways to act in a given situation. We choose to act for the best resolve or not. The result of not acting for the highest good is disharmony - a sense of separateness.

Here is a three-part technique to use as a written journaling meditation to help make wise decisions:

- Analyze the motives for past or planned actions.
- Accept that those motives were or are valid.
- Incorporate past lessons learned - wisdom - into current actions.

Repeat the entire process - analyze, accept, incorporate - as an on-going pattern throughout life.

Personal action in harmony with the common good preserves personal peace. And when everyone's actions preserve their peace, we will finally have world peace. 


18. Expressing Emotions Appropriately

This is lesson 18 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.

Energy naturally expresses. The universe is the sum of coordinated movement interrelating in visible form made up of invisible energy. There is no way to suppress the flow of energy permanently.

Repressed emotions can build up. When we donít have an intimate partner we can still express our loving feelings by sharing a hug with family or friends.

A journaling meditation

- List 3 ways to express loving feelings non-sexually.
(Hint: dancing with a friend.)
- List 3 ways to express caring energy. (Hint: baking cookies for someone.)
- List 3 ways to care for yourself energetically. (Hint: taking a fun bike ride.)

Appropriately showing emotion preserves our harmony while fulfilling our natural urge to express. Take time to express emotions appropriately during your normal activities. And, don't forget that even by yourself you can always write out your feelings.

I find that journaling, such as this meditation, helps me channel my positive emotions in a healthy way.

19. Creative Energy

This is lesson 19 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.

It is our unique gift to the world to use our creative talents to the fullest. Energy flows through each of us and we have choices about how to use it.

We can decide how we wish to express without having to have anotherís approval or interest.

In addition to expressing through creative activities such as poetry and writing, art, song, dance and sports, creative energy can be used in service within the community, giving us the feeling of being interconnected within the larger whole.

Loving feelings can be expressed in relationships, and also esoterically by feeling appreciation for surrounding beauty, and for the Creator of the beauteous harmony.

Energy Prayer

Dear Lord, may I remember
When feeling the urge to express creatively
To just do it
Energetically, enthusiastically, lovingly.

20. Cause and Effect

This is lesson 20 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.

Cause and effect can be observed everywhere. Even in the simplest example this axiom functions. A plant is watered and grows; if it dries out it dies. A relationship mutually nurtured grows; nurtured from only one side withers.

In everyday living positive choices result in like-for-like outcomes. And on the practical level we get a positive result when choosing the best way out of a bad situation.

When outer circumstances are bleak, we preserve our sense of inner harmony by following our conscience. And, doing what is best now insures a better future. Using this principle, we maintain our natural harmony.

In relationships we always have the right and freedom to personally act on the guidance of our conscience. We are each in charge of our own actions and the results that follow.

Cause and Effect Prayer

Dear Lord, may I remember
Positive results come from
Positive thoughts.
Positive thinking
From attitudes
Aligned with right living.



21. Difficult Relationships


This is lesson 21 of 48 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.

We call relationships difficult when we get uncomfortable feelings in our body with certain people or thinking about them. Their actions, or what they say screech across the grooves of our mind.

Meditation for Peace and Harmony

Sit straight with eyes closed, hands folded in lap or place palms face down or face up on thighs. Begin even regular breathing such as breathe in 2 counts; breathe out 2 counts, and continue this pattern without actually saying the counts.

Now, let go of any negative thoughts about those who are hard to get along with. Instead, see them in a warm cocoon floating through life in a gentle and harmonious manner. Now, feel yourself in a cocoon safe and warm and peaceful.

Take some minutes to sit quietly just letting your thoughts come and go without giving them any emotional energy.

Take a deep breath, stretch, and go on with your day in a peaceful way.

Difficult Relationship Prayer

Dear Lord,
May I remember that I am whole in myself
Fully deserving of fair treatment.
May I not feed the fire of anotherís
Negative energy.

We can protect ourselves from the uncomfortable effects of difficult relationships by

- Avoiding contact with them;
- Observing what they do or say while maintaining neutral feelings and thoughts about them;
- Doing the opposite of being the mental observer by being surrendered and open to their form of expression if it is just different and not negative, thus allowing new grooves of a different reality to be recorded in our mind and stored for reference. During this new recording we do not have to give up our own position or way of thinking, rather, we are expanding our experience base.

In a relationship no one deserves to be put down or walked over.

22. Improving Relationships

This is lesson 22 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view, and using prayer and meditation for healing.

We learn mainly by trial and error. If we have continual problems relating harmoniously, we begin to ask ourselves why?

After the reasons outside of ourselves are exhausted, we may finally begin to see that we personally need some self-improvement.

We can begin to harmonize our lives by adopting positive attitudes, thoughts and actions - which leads to improved relationships.

Two relating harmoniously, equally autonomous in the relationship, allows peaceful, easeful living. Personal harmony allows easy relationships in all aspects of living.

Relationship Prayer

May we align ourselves with harmony
Like the blending of notes in beautiful music.
As we become conscious of our grace and balance
May we form melodies and symphonies with others
And everything around us.
From our underlying harmony
May the best of ourselves come forth.

Journaling Meditation

Sit in a quiet place with a journal in hand. Before writing, calm your body and mind with even breathing such as 2 counts to breathe in, and 2 counts to breathe out - continue this pattern without actually saying the counts.

Take a few minutes to close your eyes and visualize yourself having a positive conversation with another. How does that make you feel right now?

Open your eyes and your journal and while still sitting, write down the good feelings you are having thinking about good conversations.

Take a deep breath, stretch, go on with your day and take these positive feelings and thoughts with you into relationship communication. 




All reviews, summaries and content on this site are copyright Susan Helene Kramer
 and may not be used in any manner without express written permission.

Click here

to buy the complete 82 lesson series as a book or ebook.

page created June 23, 2009; updated March 10, 2015