Loving Without Leaning
from a spiritual point of view
23. Gaining Self-Esteem
This is lesson 23 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Self-esteem is not just a catchy phrase. It opens doorways that we may walk into public life and even just face the mirror - viewing ourselves as worthy and complete people. Able to look ourselves in the eye. Able to look others in the eye, too.
The doorway that shuts us off from marching forth opens slowly at first and then completely as we develop our Self qualities. Because it is really in the reflection of our inner Self that we are happiest and shine forth best in the world.
A journaling meditation
In the evening write about the day in a journal. Then reflect honestly on events and formulate written goals to increase self-esteem (some ideas follow).
More ideas to improve self-esteem
- Pick an esoteric quality to imbue - charity, kindness, caring.
- Be serviceful instead of acting needy.
- Take good care of your body - diet, exercise, rest.
A needy person thinks happiness comes from what they get - a person with self-esteem has found that happiness is enjoyed in the very acts of giving.
Take heart in the reality that self-esteem is gained or regained slowly, step by step each day, but can be felt moment to moment when giving unconditional love.
Dear Lord, help me to
Allow my best self
To shine forth each day
Through positive attitudes
Thoughts and actions.
Remembering my best
Feels the best.
24. Materialism and Happiness
This is lesson 24 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view; including prayers, affirmations and meditations for support.
Thinking that the accumulation of objects will bring happiness can bring on excess materialism.
The acquisition of basic material goods is necessary to the degree that we need to support our own body and our dependents with food, clothing and shelter. But the object we may be adoring at the moment may change rather quickly by a catastrophe.
And with the passage of time all forms change the way they look, which includes people, too. Therefore, we need to look for something, other than more and more objects, to experience happiness.
For the happiness that we think comes through materialism, we can look to what in this world does not change through time and circumstance, which is unconditional love - accepting and caring love.
If partners accept each other as they are, each has the security to grow into their potential in the relationship. And rather than happiness being dependent on external objects, happiness is found in the security of unconditional love.
May I remember
That happiness is experienced
Through caring thoughts and actions
Untouched by variables
of the material world.
"I am content making use of the possessions I have."
"I feel happy living within my means."
"I feel love for myself, family and friends."
"I am happy doing the best I can with what I have."
25. Selfish or Self-Giving?
This is lesson 25 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
We usually think of selfishness as self-centeredness. But, what is viewed by an onlooker as selfishness may be legitimate self-giving, particularly if the action is in response to a real need to maintain personal health, peace of mind, housing, livelihood, or care-taking needs of children or parents.
Meditation for Reflection
Begin by sitting in a quiet place with your hands folded in your lap or palms up or down on your thighs. Close your eyes and begin even regular breathing, such as breathe in counts 1, 2; breathe out counts 3, 4; breathe in counts 1, 2 and continue the pattern without actually saying or thinking the counts.
Breathing evenly, reflect on these thoughts -
Selfishness is the use of energy, time or resources fulfilling a lesser purpose than what is for the good of the situation. Self-giving uses the same energy, time or resources to act for the best resolution.
In selfishness our thoughts are concerned with keeping something to ourselves, which tenses us up and can lead to a whole list of tension-related illnesses.
In self-giving our thoughts remain positive, and our body, by not holding tension remains relaxed, yet alert.
Selfish or self-giving? It is easier to allow the natural flow of energy to run through us by being caring in relationships, than to feel tension by being selfish.
May I remember
What is here on planet earth is for our use
To usefully care for ourselves and responsibilities.
And that positive attitudes,
Loving concern, caring actions
Energize optimally, allowing good health
Body, mind, soul.
Finish your meditation with a deep breath in and out and write any new insights in your journal for later review.
26. Releasing Control and Accepting Results
This is lesson 26 in the series
"Conquering Codependency - Loving Without
Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of
Acceptance is being gracious and relaxed with the outcome of a situation, even if it turns out differently than anticipated.
Each of us is but one part of the whole scene. To retain our personal peace of mind, we must accept that we need only play our part the best we can.
Meditation for Reflection
Sit in a quiet place, hands folded in your lap or face up or face down on your thighs. Close your eyes and begin even, regular breathing such as 2 counts to breathe in and 2 counts to breathe out. After a minute let go the counting, but continue the rhythmic pattern and reflect on these thoughts -
We are not here to control the actions of independent adults. We must accept that each of us has the right to determine our own actions.
When results are not what we had anticipated, we can look to see why. Then we will see more of the variables that brought about a different outcome from what we wanted or expected to happen.
This observation aids us in understanding that each of us has, indeed, our own path leading to a desired result.
When we think and act as if our way is the only way, we limit our knowledge of options that we may find useful in similar situations in the future.
May I align and
Act for the common good
To preserve my peace of mind.
May I also remember that
Allowing others the freedom to make
And act on their own choices
Free of my control
Preserves my peace of mind.
Finish your meditation and prayer with a deep breath in and out and write any new insights in your journal for later review.
27. Standing Back Emotionally
This is lesson 27 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Sometimes being wrapped up with another's issue or problem sweeps us right along in the tide with them.
Can we really be helpful if we get emotionally involved or depressed by someoneís situation, losing our balance, peace and happiness?
Meditation for Reflection
Sit in a quiet place indoors or outside, perhaps in your back garden or a park. Fold your hands in your lap, close your eyes and take up some even regular breathing such as breathe in 2 counts; breathe out 2 counts; breathe in 2 counts and continue but without actually saying the numbers. After a minute dwell on the following thoughts while keeping up the rhythm of the even breathing -
By standing back emotionally, while listening carefully with an attitude of compassion, we are 'there' for the person, and we stay in our own center of balance - best able to clearly see and perhaps work with them on issues.
While listening to another describe their problem we can remain quiet, or if asked for advice think of an example from life that might aid the person. Hearing recounts of first hand experience has an influence, because the listener is shown a model that it can be accomplished.
While quietly reflecting, really think about the wisdom of giving examples, but not becoming entangled and an addition to the situation.
Take a deep breath in and out to end your meditation, and write out new insights in your journal for later review and contemplation.
Standing Back Prayer
May I remember
By standing back emotionally
While listening carefully and compassionately
And maintain my peace of mind.
28. Problems Have Solutions
This is lesson 28 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Problems seem to be part of living, but they have solutions that can come to mind from clear and balanced thinking.
Personal peace and harmony are generated from our deep core, and when another is out of balance we are most helpful remaining in this deep core of peace in order to view issues clearly.
Compassionate listening to anotherís problems, plus maintaining peace of mind leads to creative thinking - new ways of seeing situations.
Take some time to sit quietly with your journal. Begin with even breathing to get centered, such as breathe in counts 1, 2; breathe out counts 3, 4; breathe in counts 1, 2; and continue the rhythm of this pattern without actually saying the numbers.
To begin with your journal, write the problem down as a title. Then, record all thoughts as they arrive without judgement, forming a running list.
Below the original list write down useful ideas that come to mind, think them over - perhaps putting one or more into practice.
This quiet journaling meditation is a chance to clearly and without emotion or outside influence objectively view the issue at hand.
Making decisions from your own deep clarity gives confidence that problems do have solutions, to be found by taking the time to quietly delve within one's own creative mind.
29. Showing Tolerance
This is lesson 29 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Tolerance accepts that each of us is doing what is needed at this moment.
Tolerance arises from a state of mental relaxation that allows us to remain calm when we see others acting in a way we think should be different.
When we care about others, we act for them as a support system.
Meditation for reflection
Sit in a quiet area with your journal and pen at your side. Close your eyes and begin even regular breathing such as breathe in counts 1, 2; breathe out counts 1, 2; breathe in counts 1, 2; and continue the rhythmic pattern while reflecting on the following thoughts:
We are not here to make another person's decisions, unless we are entrusted with their wellbeing, (such as for a little child or a childish adult). To do so, robs another of control and ownership of their moment.
By being tolerant we accept the differences others have from ourselves, which may be in age, feelings, opinions, attitudes, religious beliefs, political positions, appearances, habits, actions, and on and on.
We are living in the large fish bowl of the world; our different perspectives on a given topic allow many ideas to float in the brine. With the attitude of caring love, peace, and tolerance, ideas promoting the greatest good arise to the surface of our consciousness, into clear light; ready to benefit all.
Finish your meditation by taking a deep breath in and out, and writing down any new insights in your journal for periodic review.
May I strive to be tolerant
Of othersí differences from myself.
May I remember to be supportive
While not taking away
Another's right to determine their reality.
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page created June 23, 2009; updated March 10, 2015