Loving Without Leaning
from a spiritual point of view
39. Freedom from Compulsion
I have observed that compulsions can arise as an energized thrust from agitation - mentally, physically or emotionally, or a combination of the aspects. I also include spiritually in the list, while still searching for the ‘peace beyond understanding’.
This is lesson 39 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Calm, contemplative forethought and distraction are some antidotes for compulsive actions. The trick is to remember to think before acting out on a usual compulsion.
Freedom from compulsion meditation
Find a quiet spot. Sit up straight on a cushion on the floor or on a chair. Fold your hands in your lap or let them easily rest face up or face down on your thights. Close your eyes and begin even regular breathing like this: counts 1, 2 breathe in; counts 3, 4 breathe out; counts 1, 2 breathe in, and continue in this rhythm but let go of the actual counting. Now think about the following ideas:
Compulsions dissolve when our body and mind remain peaceful and relaxed. Think about it - there is no compulsive action during sleep or meditation.
Calmness, with freedom from compulsion is carried into waking life by reflective thought before acting. And, in combination with our decision to act for the common good our actions maintain our harmony.
Freedom from Compulsion Prayer
May I go from
Compulsion to freedom through
So that harmony prevails.
40. Congruency in Words and Actions
Congruency could be described as actions in keeping with our words, and words accurately reflecting our actions.
This is lesson 40 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Congruency between words, feelings and actions, plus intentions for the good of the whole is a way to have a content life.
Thoughts are forms of energy and produce their exact genetic offspring. Good thoughts produce good; selfish actions lead to repeated dissatisfactions.
Just as swimming in unknown cloudy water puts us at risk of facing hurtful obstacles, a cloudy thought process keeps us from viewing and resolving situations clearly. To separate cloudy from clear thinking try this meditation:
Choose a quiet and private place to sit. Fold in your legs if sitting on a cushion on the floor, or sit up straight in a chair. Begin even and regular breathing such as 2 counts to breathe in and 2 counts to breathe out and continue this rhythmic pattern.
Keeping up the even breathing close your eyes and think of an appreciation. When we keep thoughts of appreciation uppermost in mind we align with out most harmonious self.
Sit quietly for some minutes observing your in and out breathing, then take some quiet time with your journal. On the left-hand page write out what you are doing in your life. On the right-hand page list ways you can bring these aspects into closer alignment with your conscience.
This is a good exercise to repeat on a regular basis to see your progress in becoming congruent in words and actions.
Finish your meditation with a deep breath in and slowly release it. Stretch out and go on with your day, closer aligned in harmony with your conscience.
41. Congruency in Relationships
Relationships embody physical, mental and emotional qualities, one or more predominating at any moment.
This is lesson 41 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
In intimate relationships, physical and emotional aspects are in congruency when physical expressions are born of tender thoughts and care.
Feelings and thoughts of care and tenderness, when naturally expressed in affection, birth deeper realizations in our own soul and between the souls of the mutually beloved, spreading their wings of love into all surrounding relationships.
Actions and relationships acted out physically and devoid of tenderness fulfill the instinctual drive in the moment, but do nothing to nurture the integration of emotional, mental and physical wholeness.
Find a quiet place to sit, either on the floor on a cushion or it a chair. If you have a meditation altar, light the candle to represent the burning light of spiritual wholeness.
Begin even and regular breathing. For example, breathe in count 1, breathe out count 2, breathe in count 1, and continue this rhythm throughout the meditation.
Close your eyes or let them gently relax while gazing at the candle flame; no straining.
Now take some minutes to reflect on your primary relationship, either with your partner or with a parent or child or friend. Do you act with care? Or do you act so they will give you something?
Resolve to love unconditionally because it feels good and keeps your mind in harmony.
Finish your meditation with an appreciation for the positive aspects of your life. Take a deep breath and slowly release it. Stretch out and record any new insights in your journal for later review.
Congruency in Relationship Prayer
May I practice
Living in the flow of life congruently
By keeping emotions, thoughts and actions in sync
And conscience clear
That I may fully experience my humanity.
42. Developing a Clear Conscience
When we act conscientiously we are
considering the outcome of our actions. Living conscientiously means listening
to our inner voice of right (body feels relaxed), and wrong (body feels
agitated), and then following its direction for the best resolve of the
circumstances and situation.
This is lesson 42 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Sit in front of your altar with your journal and pen at your side. Begin with a few rounds of even, regular breathing such as 2 counts to breathe in and 2 counts to breathe out and continue this pattern without actually saying the counts. Then take a few minutes to reflect on the following points.
Conscientious living extends past relationships to include the animate and inanimate environment. The better care we take care of our possessions and surroundings the less we waste natural resources.
To develop a clear conscience
- Consider as many options as possible before acting.
- Think about the outcome of an action, realizing that we live with the consequence of actions.
- Conserve when possible to preserve the natural bounty for all.
- Think and feel with care and concern - temper emotion with common sense.
- Meditate regularly: the still posture of meditation makes it easier for our mind to view pros and cons objectively and conscientiously.
When we then choose to act rightly, all benefit from our existence.
Clear Conscience Prayer
May I remember that
Allows consciousness to develop step by step
By taking the invisible but sure way
That is right for each and every moment.
That conscientious action steeped in caring love
Is the invisible but sure way to joy
In each and every moment.
May I remember that life lived lovingly
In concert with natural laws
Allows my emotions, words and actions
To flow harmoniously.
To end your meditation take a deep breath in and slowly release it, and write new insights in your journal for future review.
43. Making Course Corrections
The path in life can be winding, sometimes wide open in front of us, sometimes through a narrow gorge. When we reach an impassable cliff it is prudent to consider other directions to go.
This is lesson 43 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Meditation for reflection
Sit in a quiet place, either on your cushion or chair with your back held upright. Fold your hands in your lap or place them palms up or palms down on your thighs. Close your eyes.
Begin a pattern of even breathing such as 2 counts to breathe in; 2 counts to breathe out; continue this rhythm without actually saying the counts.
Now reflect on the following thoughts:
It is okay to make course corrections whenever we see a clearer or better way to proceed. Change is not failure, rather, change using new information to get us to our destination more easily is the most efficient path on which to proceed. Even change many times on the way to our goals when a clearer way becomes visible is the best course of action to follow.
The need for course corrections can face us at any stage in the progress of any goal we are seeking, even when we are deeply entrenched along a specific path.
Allowing course corrections makes use of our intelligent, discerning, and creative faculties. We are given these aspects of mind to be able to adjust ourselves to changing circumstances and conditions in our lives, including career goals and relationships.
When we become aware that another action would be for the higher good of a situation, we need to make a course correction to maintain our balance of peace of mind and an easeful body.
Making Course Corrections Prayer
May I make course corrections
When needed to regain or maintain
Peace of mind, and an easeful body.
May I remember that course corrections
Allow me to reach my goals most easily.
Finish your meditation by taking a deep breath in, slowly releasing it and opening your eyes. Stretch out and go on with your day, refreshed and relaxed.
44. Time Management
Organizing life by allotting dockets for specific activities and leisure, leaves time to carry out spontaneous ideas, while keeping our body-mind in balance, leaving us with a sense of well-being; peaceful and in harmony.
This is lesson 44 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Docketing non-essentials unlocks time for essential tasks and priority in your desires.
Non-essentials separated out leaves time to move forward at a reasonable pace, and with caring and giving, enjoy harmonious relationships in living.
Journaling Meditation for Time Management
Begin by sitting quietly and breathing evenly and regularly, such as counts 1, 2, breathe in; counts 3, 4, breathe out; counts 1, 2, breathe in, and continue this rhythmic pattern without actually saying the numbers.
Now, take some quiet time with your journal. On the left-hand side page, list essential tasks followed by those things you’d really like to do for fun and recreation, including time for family and friends.
On the right-hand page write out time slots for your waking hours.
Then fill in the slots with essential tasks first and fun tasks next. Try to leave some spaces between each activity for down time and to compensate for what may take longer than planned.
This is just a basic outline, but it synchronizes your mind and day to make use of your hours. When our day is outlined we don't need to take time to wonder about when we will do a certain task, wondering and worrying is replaced with productive activity. We are making decisions ourselves without relying on someone else to tell us how to organize our time.
Conclude your meditation with a deep breath in and slowly release it. Finish writing in your journal and keep it handy to edit during the day as needed.
45. Attachments Can Help or Hinder
Attachments either help or hinder. Attachments that keep us taking care of our responsibilities such as with our family are helpful, while attachments that disrupt our sense of harmony and balance hinder.
This is lesson 45 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Hindering attachments include compulsions, obsessions and overindulgence. These hindrances to happiness take form as possessiveness in relationships, overeating, alcoholism, drug addictions, and other addictions.
Pick a quiet time to sit with your journal. Do a few rounds of even breathing to begin, such as counts 1, 2 breathe in; counts 3, 4 breathe out; counts 1, 2 breathe in and continue for a minute. Then, just go on with the rhythm without actually saying the counts.
In your meditation journal make a list of the attachments in your life, both positive and negative.
If some fall into negative territory pick just one to work on and write out a plan for replacing the time spent in that activity with something more positive. In this way the change is gradually for the better without having to make huge changes that may be prone to failure from trying to change too much at one time.
Slow and steady progress brings harmony in the process.
To finish your meditation, take a deep breath in and slowly release it. Stretch out and go forward with your day with one new resolve in hand.
46. Releasing the Past and Living Again
Evolution is a natural building and
tearing down process that makes space for refined and redesigned structures. A
relationship fails to be a relationship when one or both can no longer grow
within the current set of circumstances, conditions and interactions.
This is lesson 46 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
Meditation for reflection
Sit quietly and begin breathing evenly and regularly such as 2 counts to breathe in; 2 counts to breathe out; 2 counts to breathe in, and continue in this rhythm without actually say the numbers out loud.
Reflect on these thoughts: As we relate one-on-one we weave our threads of separateness into a tapestry which seems solid and permanent. Then, when a relationship disintegrates we feel pain as the cloth of our bonding is torn to shreds. It hurts to rip apart from the relationships we create.
Our lives are like honeycombs with spaces to fill our time as we choose. Most spaces are filled with activities to maintain our body and lifestyle. We also have spaces available for maintaining a relationship.
To once again establish our peace and harmony we can begin reweaving the torn threads into a more refined tapestry. By upgrading our self-centered into caring feelings, we relax and regain our sense of balance and harmony.
It is okay to begin rebuilding with a different set of circumstances and another person. We again take up our threads and begin reweaving a new and more refined pattern into our relationship cloth.
Eventually we create an intimate relationship out of mutual unconditional caring love steeped in harmony, withstanding external pressure and changes.
The pain of disintegration is a fiery refining process. Consciously allowing, surrendering, and letting go of an unworkable relationship forms a bridge to a better life for both.
Releasing the Past Prayer
May I have courage
To create the reality I choose
Based on my insights
From past experiences.
Finish your meditation by taking a deep breath in and slowly releasing it. Stretch out and go on with your day resolved to learn from your experiences.
47. Overcoming Neediness
What we really need in life is to discover, uncover our internal, eternal fount of unconditionally loving energy, that we may then draw on it to fortify us, enliven us in our actions, interactions in the world.
This is lesson 47 in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view. Each of the 48 lessons includes a prayer or meditation.
Meditation for reflection
Sit upright on a meditation cushion or chair. Close your eyes. Begin breathing evenly and regularly such as 2 counts to breathe in; 2 counts to breathe out; 2 counts to breathe in, and continue in this rhythm throughout your meditation without actually say the numbers out loud.
Now reflect on these thoughts: When we are feeling needy we are carrying the belief system that happiness comes from outside of us.
We do not yet know or believe that happiness arises from within our very own body when we hold positive attitudes, and act with kindness in the world.
When we are feeling needy we try to talk another person into interrelating with us. But this is not with thoughts of an equal interaction.
The needy one wants to set the scene, be writer and director, control the dialog and action.
When we are feeling needy we are indeed giving in to our feelings, but with a negative rather than a positive outlook.
We feel someone outside of ourselves is the holder and distributor of our happiness
Substituting action for neediness means to act from a positive outlook using our own internal resources of caring and kindness as our home base.
When we, by our free will, substitute a positive for a negative outlook, our physical body relaxes and feels at ease. Remember, it involves more muscles to frown than smile.
When we smile with our whole body we are letting our internal and eternal Source flow through us most easily and refreshingly. We are literally aligning with the natural flow of energy, the natural flow of electrical-type energy that powers every atom and molecule in the universe.
Overcoming Neediness Prayer
May I remember
By the outpouring of energy
Are naturally loving and giving
As the nature of energy is ever-flowing
Ever flooding us anew.
Finish your meditation with a deep breath in and slowly release it. Stretch out and go forward replenished and renewed.
48. Personal Freedom at Last
Positive energy is the natural outcome of being in harmony with the Source of energy that flows through our body, mind and actions. When our body feels energized we think more positively and therefore speak and finally act more positively.
This is lesson 48, and the final installment, in the series "Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning" looking at aspects of codependency from a spiritual point of view.
In honor of this day I just replaced the original ebook of these lessons with a 2nd edition of expanded meditations. If you purchased the ebook already, the expanded edition is now in your BellaOnline membership account.
Meditation for reflection
Sit upright on a meditation cushion or chair and close your eyes. Begin breathing evenly and regularly such as 2 counts to breathe in; 2 counts to breathe out; 2 counts to breathe in. Continue this rhythmic breathing throughout your meditation without actually say the numbers out loud.
Now, reflect on these thoughts: To develop a positive attitude, which is fundamental to erasing the attitude of neediness, requires the reinstallation of harmony in our personal lives.
To help realign with natural harmony:
- Spend regular time in meditation and reflection.
- Consider all the options for action and then act for the best of the situation.
- Exert free will to substitute positive for negative attitudes.
- Maintain your body in optimal condition by taking in the cleanest diet that we can, along with including a combination of stretching and aerobic activities.
- Spend time in service with family, friends or community; it takes the mind off ourselves.
Above all, acting with care with every person that crosses your path every single day.
By substituting positive for negative attitudes we allow positive thoughts to come up in our mind. And when our thoughts are positive our words in our self-talk and words spoken out with others are positive. And then, our bodies are at ease, allowing the natural fount of energy to invigorate us most effectively.
It is our positive attitudes, thoughts, and words that produce positive actions: giving actions rather than taking actions.
And finally, while we are giving of ourselves we become our most energized self, we are feeling what we label as harmony and happiness. And that is just what the codependent person wants, but has been going outward instead of inward to find.
Personal Freedom at Last Prayer
May I see my way clear
To be loving and giving
Realizing happiness in living.
Finish your meditation with a deep breath in and slowly release it. Stretch out and with recharged energy go forward in your day.
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page created June 23, 2009; updated March 10, 2015