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Necessary or Needy?

Susan Kramer

"For Happiness - love people, enjoy possessions"

Copyright © 1998-2011 Susan Kramer
Santa Barbara, California USA
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Published by Creations in Consciousness


1. Abundance Versus Excess
2. Acceptance
3. Attachments Come from the Mind
4. Compulsion
5. Docketing Non-essentials
6. Expectation in Relationship
7. Finding the Best Target
8. Materialism
9. Moods
10. The Only Permanent Presence, Unconditional Love
11. Portraying, Displaying Self-esteem
12. Selfish or Self-giving?
13. Stressed?
14. Substituting Action for Neediness
15. Survival Needs, Desires, Happiness
16. Why Lessen Attachments?

1. Abundance Versus Excess

Excess is more abundance that we can put to good use. A person who had a million dollars and was helping humanity would not have an excess of wealth. Whereas, a person who had a million dollars and was drinking themselves to death would be in excess. It is all intent and perspective.

There is no personal excess if what we have is being put to the highest good of humanity. And what is for the highest use of humanity is coincidentally for one's own highest good at the same time.

Excess is taking and hoarding
more than is useful

Another example: If a person was earning and hoarding money just to accumulate money, perhaps to be able to say that they had a high number of dollars in the bank, but had no intention of eventually putting the interest to productive use for humanity's sake, than that could be an excess.

We are in excess in anything
that disturbs our sense of balance
body, mind, or emotion
Abundance only nurtures
and makes an experience fuller
while allowing us to remain peaceful and at ease

To be abundantly happy in our lives requires that at each moment we do what is best for the situation at hand. When we align with the best for each moment we enjoy each moment most fully, most abundantly.

The eternal light of peace and joy
shines through us
illuminates us most radiantly
when we live in alignment with our Source
The never-ending abundance
of intelligent and radiant loving energy

2. Acceptance

being gracious and relaxed
with the outcome of a situation
even if it turns out differently
than anticipated

Each of us is a part of the whole. To retain our personal peace of mind, we need only play our part the best we can.

In relationships, we retain our peace of mind when we remember that we are here to control our own actions, but not the actions of other independent adults. And acting for the highest good of ourselves and others gives us the greatest peace of mind. If we act selfishly instead, our mind and body will feel uneasy and restless.

When results are not what we had anticipated, we can look to see why. Then we will see more of the variables that brought about a different outcome from what we wanted or expected to happen. This observation will aid us in understanding that each of us has, indeed, our own path leading to a desired result.

When we think and act as if our way is the only way, we limit our knowledge of options that we may find useful in similar situations in the future.

Acting for the highest good
thereby preserving our personal peace of mind

Allowing others the freedom to make
and act on their own choices
free of our control
This, too, preserving our personal peace of mind

3. Attachments Come from the Mind

Let go of attachment
to all in this changing world
We enjoy feelings of happiness and completeness
by allowing the heart's proddings
the beingness of our soul
and the Soul of our soul to reign

Attachments and desires are cravings from our mind—we feel attachments to what we think will make us happy, complete, and fulfilled.

Our mind is constantly centering on different desires. As we fulfill one desire we are already thinking about what we want next. It is an endless process as long as we are servants of the mind. We can never seem to get that lasting happiness through an acquisition.

Happiness is not found in things—it is already the very core of our being, our soul. On the soul level we actually are happiness. When we project ourselves outwardly through the mind, we forget that we are already made up of happiness.

To free ourselves from attachments, which can continually form, we must realize that we are already fulfilled beings, needing no outside things or stimuli to make us happy. Then we can enjoy all that life offers us, and when things pass away we can peacefully watch them go, knowing that our happiness did not leave with them.

Again, we ourselves, as individual souls, are not attached to anything. Our soul is already happy and complete. If we depend on attachments for happiness, we have identified with our mind and body, too much, to the extent that we forget about our soul's beingness.

At any time we can go home to soul-awareness, the sure way home by spending time in meditation. From meditation, peacefulness overcomes us and we enjoy being at home in our immortal soul, once again.

In the home of our soul
all contentment and fulfillment are ever present
we enjoy our blissful nature
One with our Source and Creator

Benefits of Giving Freely...

We get so we can give
To give is to live
To live allows loving
To love is to live in the Divine

Giving freely comes from our heart. When acting from our heart we develop a super-conscious reality of our heart feelings. The more we experience acts of the heart—giving, sharing, caring—the more concrete these qualities become as set parts of our daily living.

Love comes from the heart
Attachments come from the mind
Our computer, the brain
programmed by the mind

Since heart feelings are lasting—transcending time, space, and circumstances—the more we can identify with our pure heart nature, the closer we come to experiencing our God nature in an unbroken permanently flowing way.

Our Creator and Sustainer
Our greatest Love
Non-partial and available to all

Our sun is similar to God's love. The sun is always shining, radiating energy, warmth, and light. When we cover ourselves with clouds of selfishness and wrong doing, the sun of our lives becomes dulled and dimmed to our perception. Take away the acts originating from the mind that are in opposition to the heart, and the vast warmth and light radiates from the sun of the individual.

All are enveloped in love
who are in the presence
of a pure, clear, and guileless one

The purpose of giving freely is to reinforce acts from our heart. Our heart lasts beyond time, our individual mind does not.

Our heart is of God, is part of God. And what we name God is but love—love that is ever-present--transcending time, space, place and circumstance throughout eternity.

God-Consciousness Versus Fear Consciousness...

Positive attitudes and uplifting thoughts create harmony, beauty, and love in our life. Negative, destructive thoughts create experiences of loneliness, separation and fear that we will lose what we have.

The experience of universal Consciousness is essentially harmony--connectedness we feel as lovingness. Our Creator's will for us in the long run is to come to know and experience the perfection of harmony, resulting from when we act for the highest good of each circumstance in each moment.

As we attune our mind and subsequent actions with the natural intelligent harmony, as we are all destined to do, we reap lovingness in our life.

Our creations producing our choices
Harmonious thinking
Happiness in living

In God-consciousness we perceive ourselves in all parts of creation, right down to the atoms that make up the cell structure of energy, and organic and inorganic matter.

When we feel fear, we have created a separation, a division. We feel it is us versus the object we are afraid of, which can be a person, event, or feeling.

If we realized that God
is the intelligent, loving force in all atoms
we would align with this innate harmony
and be incapable of fear
Are we not all inter-linked
within the creation?

Since there is no division of God's loving intelligent energy within creation--we are not aligning with the Truth when we mentally create separation and division--artificial barriers in our love for all. We really are one with all. Just as the entire length of chain moves when one link is tugged, we too, influence all creation by our own actions, our tugs.

When our mind creates the sense of false separation, we feel fear. We are afraid we are being left out of something, being left stranded, alone. Our ego feels separation, fears, until the dawning of the realization of our oneness with all. Then we feel and know from our heart that we need never listen to the mind-generated fears, because we never have been, and never can be separated from anything. We are intrinsically united.

As long as I see
myself and another
before Thee
I am not with Thee

4. Compulsion

Energized thrust
from agitation

Calm, contemplative forethought
and distraction
the antidote for compulsive action

Compulsions dissolve
when our body and mind
remain peaceful and relaxed

There is no compulsive action
during sleep or meditation

with freedom from compulsion
is carried into waking life
by reflective thought
before acting

And in combination
with our decision
to act for the highest good
our actions maintain our harmony

From compulsion to control
through calmness

Insightful reflection
Loving attitudes
Harmony prevailing

5. Docketing Non-essentials

Docketing non-essentials
unlocks time for essential tasks
and for carrying out
our priority desires

Organizing our life by allotting dockets for specific activities and leisure, leaves time to carry out spontaneous ideas, while keeping our mind-body in balance. And balancing our energies between work and play leaves us with a sense of well-being and harmony.

Non-essentials separated out
leaves time to move forward
in balance
With caring and giving
Harmonious living

6. Expectation in Relationship

Expecting ourselves
to be loving and caring in our relationship
thereby, preserving our inner harmony
allowing us to remain happy

What we can expect in a relationship is to have a mutual sharing of caring love. We should expect of ourselves, that we need to share our love in a caring manner.  What we can not expect in a relationship is to determine how, and in what manner, our partner will share their love with us.

We are in charge of determining the method of carrying out our own actions. And, our partner is in charge of determining the method of carrying out their own actions.

When we are only in a relationship with ourselves, we determine our actions, and as long as we are acting for the best of each situation that we are in, the method of acting remains wholly with us.

When we have a partner, we need to take into consideration how our actions will impact our relationship.  If we are acting for the highest good of the situation, we are acting as we should in our relationship, whether or not our partner accepts or rejects our ways and means.

Acting for the highest good of the situation in the relationship allows our body to stay relaxed and allows us to retain our peace of mind.

Each person is the compilation and product of their past history.  Along the way, we each learn by trial and error how to get our needs and desires fulfilled. It has been an individual path to this point in time for each of us.  We cannot expect another person's means of expression and action to be identical to our own methods. They have gone through a different "school of life."

We can request and make our relationship needs and desires known to our partner, but the exact method our partner uses to show us their caringness is completely their determination, which will be based on the compilation of their life experiences.

In relationship or not, we cannot expect another person to give us happiness or any form of fulfillment. Our personal happiness is our state of being when we are thinking and acting in harmony and lovingly with the highest good of each situation, moment to moment to moment.

The expectation of getting happiness from a partner is a selfish attitude that precludes our personal happiness.  When we act selfishly we act without regard for the highest good of the situation.  Selfishness is isolation in action.  Truly, no person is so independent on this planet that they can survive without using something that another has had a hand in providing.

The expectation that our partner will provide our personal happiness is never possible.  The attitude and actions of selfishness, getting or taking from another for self-gratification is contradictory to living for the highest good of the whole situation. Harmonizing our attitudes, thoughts and actions with the highest good, ongoingly, is really what produces our feelings of happiness, ongoingly.
7. Finding the Best Target


The target is what lies in front of us in our personal circumstances. People, places, things.

When we feel energy build up in our body and mind, we aim that energy at one of the targets in our life, firing, by directing energy through our words and actions.

We hit, but it may not be the bulls-eye of the right target.

Pain, disharmony, alienation are our clues that we directed our energy to an inappropriate target. But, we can make amends by redirecting our energy usefully, harmoniously.

If we are being targeted
by misdirected energy
we can preserve our personal balance
by getting out of the way
We never need to be fuel
for another's disharmony

Energy is motion, naturally discharging. By upgrading our state of consciousness, we learn to aim and fire our energy where it will serve the highest good. Remembering that we are each responsible for the outcome of our words and actions.

Taking aim
Targeting the highest good

8. Materialism

Brought on by thinking
that the acquisition of objects
will bring happiness

The acquisition of basic material goods is necessary to the degree that we need to support our own body and our dependents with food, clothing, and shelter.

But, along the way, we should not form too strong an attachment to specific material goods. The form we may be adoring at this moment may change rather quickly, unexpectedly, through no plan of our own, such as through an accident or fire. And with the passage of time all forms change their inner composition and their outer look, which includes the physical bodies of people, too. Therefore, we need to look for something, other than more and more objects, in order to experience happiness.

For the happiness that we are looking for
through materialism
We must look to what in this world
does not change through time and circumstance
Unconditional Love

No circumstance of the physical universe can alter either the giving or receiving of unconditional love. Our physical body becomes energized as we think and act on our thoughts of caring. And our thoughts of caring can never be taken from us. They are not made up of, or dependent on physical molecules, as objects are.

When our body feels the surge of energy, brought on by our caring thoughts and actions, our mind also becomes more alert. The word we could use to describe our state of mind and body at that moment is, of course, happiness. To feel happy, more often, we need only to think and act with caringness more often!

The search for happiness through
the acquisition of objects

Truly experienced
when our body and mind
are harmoniously aligned
vibrantly energized
Brought on by our caring thoughts and actions
Ever untouched by the variables
of the material world

9. Moods

Moods are formed in our mind

Our mind and body
an interlocking unit
each affecting the other
We are free to change
a thought, mood, or attitude
at any time

Some methods to conquer moodiness:

1. Exerting willpower to substitute positive attitudes.
2. Physical activity, such as brisk walking. The oxygenation of our blood flushes out toxins in our body that make us feel sluggishness. And sluggishness contributes to a down mood.
3. Meditation and deep relaxation, which dissipate moods by allowing our natural harmony, which feels joyful, to arise easily in our consciousness.

Ups and downs
Transformed into awareness
of happiness, harmony
By balancing mental
with physical activity

10. The Only Permanent Presence, Unconditional Love

Unconditional love can be present during every facet of our changing world. It is the only constant presence through life’s ups and downs.

Unconditional Love given
Unconditional Love received
The circle of support we thrive on best

It is equally important
to allow ourselves to be loved unconditionally
and to love unconditionally

Giving unconditional love means we show caring through others' good times and tribulations. Receiving unconditional love means we let down our barriers; allowing another to listen to us, and give us care.

People are not so perfectly evolved as to be able to give or receive unconditional love all the time, or else they would not be living on this planet! We are here on earth in bodies made up of physical, mental, and emotional aspects, powered by the unseen universal energy. It is with the highest cooperation and integration of these aspects that we most fully give love and receive love unconditionally. Every caring effort, every reception of caring, integrates our aspects into the most beautiful
self-realization of the souls we truly are.

The presence
of Unconditional Love
given, received
A circle of energy
sustaining us, evolving us
into our fullest potential
into the realization
of the permanent joyful souls
that we are

11. Portraying, Displaying Self-esteem

Portraying, claiming, or regaining self-esteem
really Self-esteem
is our primary task in the world

It is not just a catchy phrase in our current society. It is self-esteem that opens our inner doorways that we may walk out into public life and even just face ourselves in the mirror, viewing ourselves as worthy and complete people. Able to look ourselves in the eye. Able to look others in the eye, too.

The doorway that shuts us off from marching forth in our radiant wholeness opens at first slowly and then completely as we develop our Self qualities. Because it is really in the reflection of our inner Self that we are happiest and best shine forth in the world.

Steps in developing self-esteem:

1. Spending regular time in the clearing house of meditation;
2. Reflecting honestly on the day's events;
3. Formulating a plan to upgrade any weaknesses we are carrying;
4. Picking an esoteric quality to imbue—charity, kindness, caring;
5. Being serviceful instead of acting needy—a needy person thinks happiness comes from what they get—a person with self-esteem has found that happiness is enjoyed in the very acts of giving;
6. Taking the best care of our body possible—clean diet, stretches, and aerobic exercises;
7. Taking heart in the reality that self-esteem is gained or regained slowly; step by step each day, and can be felt moment to moment when giving our unconditional love.

Portraying, displaying Self-esteem
Allowing the Self that we are
that we know is our best
to shine forth each day
through our positive attitudes, thoughts
and actions
Being our best
Shining forth as our best in the world

12. Selfish or Self-giving?

We usually think of selfishness as self-centeredness
But, what is viewed by an onlooker as selfishness
may really be legitimate self-giving—
particularly if the action is response
to a real need to maintain
personal health, peace of mind
housing, livelihood
or care-taking needs with children or parents

Selfishness is the use of energy, time, or resources fulfilling a lesser purpose than what is for the good of the situation.

Self-giving uses the same energy, time or resources to act for the highest good of the moment.

There are personal benefits in self-giving that are absent in selfishness: In self-giving our thoughts remain positive, and our body, by not holding tension, allows us to remain relaxed, yet alert. In selfishness our thoughts are concerned with keeping something to ourselves, which makes our bodily muscles, joints, and movements rigid. This, in turn, constricts circulation to our organs; hence, the possible onset of a whole list of tension-related bodily illnesses.

Selfish or Self-giving? It is easier to allow the natural flow of energy to run through us by being caring, than to cause ourselves mental and bodily tension by constricting our energy in selfishness.

What is here
on planet earth
is for our use
To usefully care for ourselves
and our responsibilities

Positive attitudes, loving concern, caring actions
energize us optimally
allowing us good health
physically, mentally, emotionally

13. Stressed?

Time to Re-assess
We feel 'stressed'
when circumstances
are more than
we feel comfortable with
at the time

We can handle the stress from being excited, from having a sense of expectation. We even gladly feel invigorated by this kind of stress.

But the kind of stress where we feel powerless to cope with current events or projected happenings is ripe for re-evaluation of our time, energy, resources, and circumstances.

De-stressing the hopelessness and helplessness of being 'stressed' can be achieved by:

1. Time out for a combination of meditation, regulated breathing, and deep relaxation pose, plus regular sessions of aerobic activity.
2. Walking away temporarily, to quiet down emotionally and mentally. While temporarily away from the stressful situation we can write out a re-assessed, revised plan to handle our stress less stressfully.

Time to re-assess
Time for choosing
a more comfortable choice

Calming down temporarily
by standing back momentarily

Coming up with a revised plan
to make better use
of our time, energy, and resources
De-stressing by

14. Substituting Action for Neediness

What we really need in life
is to discover, uncover
our internal, eternal
fount of unconditionally loving energy
That we may then draw on it
to fortify us, enliven us
in our actions, interactions
in the world

When we are feeling needy
we are carrying the belief system
that happiness comes to us
from outside of us

We do not yet know or believe that happiness arises from within our very own body when we hold positive attitudes, and act with kindness in the world.

When we are feeling needy we try to talk another person into interrelating with us. But this is not with thoughts of an equal interaction.

The needy one wants to set the scenario
Be writer and director
Control the dialog and action of the scene
When we are feeling needy
we are indeed giving in to our feelings
but with a negative
rather than a positive outlook
We feel that someone outside of ourselves
is the holder and distributor of our happiness

Substituting action for neediness
means to act from a positive outlook
using our own internal resources of caring and kindness
as our home base

When we, by our free will, substitute a positive for a negative outlook, our physical body relaxes and feels at ease. It involves more muscles to frown than to smile.

When we smile with our whole body we are letting our internal and eternal Source flow through us most easily and refreshingly. We are literally aligning with the natural flow of energy, the natural flow of electrical-type energy that powers every atom and molecule in the universe.

Actions powered by the outpouring of our energy are naturally loving and giving as the nature of energy is to be ever-flowing, ever flooding us with new energy.

When our own body feels energized
we think more positively
therefore speak
and finally act more positively

Positive energy is the natural outcome of being in harmony with the Source of energy that flows through our body, mind, and actions.

To develop a positive attitude, which is fundamental to erasing the attitude of neediness, requires the reinstallation of harmony in our personal lives.

To help us realign with our natural harmony we can:

1. Spend regular time in meditation and reflection;
2. Consider all the options for action and then act for the best of the situation;
3. Exert our free will to substitute positive for negative attitudes;
4. Maintain our body in optimal condition by taking in the cleanest diet that we can, along with including a combination of stretching and aerobic activities;
5. Doing service with our family, friends, or community;
6. Above all, acting with care, with every person that crosses our path every single day.

By substituting positive attitudes for negative attitudes we allow positive thoughts to come up in our mind. And when our thoughts are positive our words in our self-talk and words spoken out with others are positive.

And then, our bodies are at ease, allowing the natural fount of energy to invigorate us most effectively.

It is our positive attitudes, thoughts, and words that produce positive actions, giving actions rather than taking actions.

And finally, while we are giving of ourselves we become our most energized self. We are feeling what we label as harmony and happiness. And that is just what the needy person wants, but has been going outward instead of inward to find.

From neediness for love from an outer source
From neediness for another's energy
To fulfillment in our life
To harmony and happiness in our life
By adopting and holding on to
positive attitudes, thoughts, and actions
which energize us from within
and sustain us with the happiness and harmony
we thought came from an outside source
Happiness and Harmony
always with us
from our eternal Source within

15. Survival Needs, Desires, Happiness

Survival needs are those
that sustain our physical body
food, shelter, clothing

Desires arise in our mind
for ego gratification
dressing primarily in forms of lust and greed
The premise being that we need to get
something from outside of ourselves
in order to satisfy our longing
for unbroken happiness

But, relying on sources
outside of ourselves
for gratification
is unreliable

The physical and mental worlds ever-changing

We analyze and try another avenue
Exploration into the depths
of our underlying supporting structure

Happiness is present right now
Experienced by relaxing our body and mind
and harmoniously interacting with people and surroundings
Allowing us to remain relaxed and peaceful
We then retain our happiness
even when people and things go
from our life

When we experience
emotional, mental, and physical upset
we can allow these experiences
to take their course
while remembering that they will pass
and once again we will be able to return to
and experience
our state of balance and harmony

The jewel to treasure is remembrance
that happiness is always carried along with us
Coming to our awareness
by relaxing our body and mind
by harmoniously interacting
with others and our environment

Taking care of our body
Satisfying our mind
All the while experiencing happiness
by maintaining easefulness
and interacting harmoniously

16. Why Lessen Attachments?

Every attachment that we feel
is separate from ourselves
is denial or misunderstanding
that we are already
an integral part of the whole

To form attachments
we have to first feel
we could lose something

This duality is formed in our mind
versus the object of attachment

We should love the people in our relationships
and enjoy our possessions
keeping in mind
that one day
they will not be so visible to us

While we are separated from the people we love a few hours a day, or even days at a time, we still feel their presence in our life, and we still feel our love for them.

Loving, connected feelings
don't need the person loved to be present
in order to be experienced


Close your eyes and visualize a person you love; feel their presence with you; enjoy the warmth you are feeling in your body; relax into the cozy feelings. Open your eyes. Now you know that you can feel connected and one with those you love, even when you are away from them.

And even physically we are always, in an unseen way, interconnected with one another, as molecules of the physical dimension are inter-linked. We are actually feeling this when we say that we have a heart-to-heart connection with another.

Practicing the above experiment gives us some understanding with the underlying ever-present radiant energy sustaining us.

By becoming steeped in the deep ocean of self-sustained love that we are all immersed in, we can experience love independent of another's physical form. We need not cling in an attached dependent way to another person's visible physical presence to feel love and happiness. Rather, we can share our self-sustained loving feelings with others at all times.

Self-sustained love is always in us
residing deep within us
Ready to come into our awareness
when we allow our body to relax
and feel caring love for another

Attachments to Things...

Objects we are attached to could be reminders of some happiness we previously experienced, maybe in an association with a loving experience with a person. Or, we may think that acquiring an object will cause us to feel warmth, happiness, or connectedness. Here again, we can visualize the object and see ourselves enjoying it, even allowing our bodies to feel what it is like to be enjoying the object. If we do this in our mind, we do not need to have the physical possession to get the feeling we want
to experience.

We feel more connected with all the creation while we are feeling warmth and radiance in our body-mind. And as we just experimented with and found out first hand, we are able to live in a state of connectedness, without having a visible physical manifestation in our presence.

We are free to enjoy
feeling love, lovingness
body and mind
at any moment that we choose
and as deeply and fully
as we choose


Susan Kramer, M.A., M.Div. is an international author of more than 50 collections and 150 articles on rhythmic dance, ballet, music, philosophy, social issues, yoga and practical spirituality for children, teens, adults and those challenged, with some translations in Dutch, French, German, Greek and Spanish, and with her husband, Stan Schaap- -resides in Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

web site
further reading
Meditation Site at Bella Online, Susan Kramer, Editor

Books for teaching toddlers to teens by Susan Kramer

page first published 1998
updated June 22, 2001
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