Autobiography |  Ballet | Books | Dolls & Costumes | Gardens | Kinesthetic | MainRhythmic Dance | Spirituality

Social Issues Index

Domestic Violence and Codependency

commentary from a spiritual point of view
Susan Kramer
text and garden photo copyright 2001-2011 Susan Kramer
Santa Barbara, California USA
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Published by Creations in Consciousness

Frustration in not getting one's way can lead to feeling anger, and if not dealt with constructively can lead to lashing out, perhaps violently, against one's self, another, or society.

I think the key phrase is 'angry outbursts stem from frustration in not getting one's way.'Meditation Mount, Ojai, California USA. Photo credit Susan Kramer

Attitude adjustment can be the antidote; looking at the situation causing frustration, and seeing what the best resolve for all concerned would be.

There is peacefulness in broadening the outlook from what I want, to what is really the win-win situation for all.

The Codependent Partnership

Because the nuclear family spend so much time together they may be the first to be acted upon by a member's angry tantrum.

It is hard to leave a situation that has become violent because of economic and emotional ties, habit, and even social standing.

If the attitude of the one being abused is the hope the abuser will change, then chance after chance is given. The problem with this is that everyone in the family can lose their basic peacefulness and self-esteem by being at the whim of the 'partnership' between abuser and abused.

I have found in the relationships in my family that if I feel I need to control another's actions to suit what I want for them, then I feel frustration when they choose another way. But when I state my point of view keeping the attitude that my input is only one idea to consider, then I retain my personal peace, avoiding the codependent need to be needed or in control.

I retain my peace by allowing another to act on their judgement without my control.

Domestic violence becomes codependent when the 'partnership' of abuser and abused is allowed to continue.

Reclaiming self-esteem is a key in being able to leave an abusive partnership; if a child or a frail elder is the target of abuse, then a parent or other adult noting this must act for the child's or elder's safety; that is the moral and ethical choice.

Self-esteem is knowing that I have the right to a peaceful life.

Regaining Self-esteem

Our conscience lets us know the best resolve to our questions via the degree of peacefulness and relaxation we experience in our mind and body while thinking about a situation.

We develop a clear and pure conscience gradually when, with a caring attitude, we make repeated efforts to act for the highest good of all concerned.

We are following our conscience when:
1. Our body feels relaxed;
2. Our mind is content and peaceful;
3. No one else is affected negatively by our actions.

While we are in the process of developing a conscience we can rely on the dictates and moral guidelines laid out by religions and society. These outer rules guide us safely while we develop the strength of character to follow our conscience consistently.

Our conscience is our personal directive from our inner Source. It is worth the effort to develop this intimate relationship that always serves to produce our clearest experience of peace and happiness.

Acting for the best resolve we are aware of nourishes our self-esteem. We feel more in control of our lives knowing that there is a best way to resolve any situation.

As our self-assurance and self-esteem increase, we experience a growing sense of fulfillment and joy in living.


Domestic violence becomes a 'codependent partnership' between abused and abuser when it is allowed to continue.

Regaining self-esteem can free one from codependency and abuse because we have decided to no longer take part in the abused-abuser cycle.

We can gain self-esteem by developing our conscience through following the guidelines of religion or society till we are able to spontaneously act on what is for the best resolve of all concerned in a situation.
web site
site map
Co-dependents Anonymous Organization - CoDA
Anger Analyzed
Necessary or Needy?
Reclaiming Personal Power Conquering Codependency Social Issues; Social Conscience